pay attention

there's a kind of fear that you get when there's turbulence on a flight. but what about that other kind of fear, the one you sometimes wake up with?

when i was a kid i thought i was anxious. someone who bit my nails and licked my lips so much they cracked. and maybe i was. am.

or maybe i was just afraid, and anxiety is what we called it.

i used to have this recurring dream of being in an endless white room with no friction and a large black ball would keep hitting me while I tried to run away.

i was told a lot to breathe.

so i breathed and breathed. i breathed myself into a corner over the years.

but it wasn't until i started to pay attention rather than focus that i began to wake up.